9 out of 10 teens agree...HAVE TO GET TO changes attitude

At a youth camp with 600 teens, I needed to get twelve tired, frustrated, and belligerent teenagers to do something they don't want to do.  It was like pushing a rope.  It's almost impossible to change their attitude.

We had "K.P."  Which means that we had "Kitchen Patrol."  Uh huh.  Wash the camps' dishes, scrub pots and pans, and clean all tables and chairs.  

As we entered the cafeteria, another youth worker and his crew were already there to join us - and they were ecstatic!  I'm not kidding.  They were having a blast.

I asked the youth leader how he changed their attitude.

"Oh, that's easy," he said. "I explained that they didn't HAVE to do K.P., but they GET to.  Because...there are children in remote areas who do not get to have a cafeteria, full meals, and the chance to do this. Our teens get to!"

Life-changing.  

I've used it with my kids, co-workers, and even (with caution) my wife.  Like this:

• You don't HAVE to clean your room - you GET to. Some don't have rooms.
• You don't HAVE to go to work - you GET to. Some don't have jobs.
• You don't HAVE to kiss me - you GET... okay, that didn't exactly work with my wife. (nothing's perfect!)

Enjoy changing attitudes today by shifting perspective.  Use HAVE TO / GET TO often. 

You don't have to share this with your team, friends, and family...you GET to!

Don't drop the bike!

We'd just completed the classroom session and were on the motorcycle obstacle course.  With only the final slalom session left, we were told, "drive very slowly, don't put your foot down, and don't drop the motorcycle!"

The instructor had explained to us what "target fixation" is.  If you focus on what you don't want to occur, it certainly will.  

Example; Thinking DON'T HIT THE CONE = smashed orange plastic.

As my friend completed the last slalom, he suddenly dropped the motorcycle!  It was horrid - as was the language and angst that ensued.

I asked him later what was going through his mind.

"All I could think of was, Don't drop the bike! Don't drop the bike!" he said.

You get it.  When you fixate on a target - even if it is a negative of your goal - you will inevitably hit it.  (Golfers shooting over that pond know exactly what I mean.)  

If you hear the word "don't" you are already off.

Today, visualize on what success looks like instead - and let it live through you.  When you hear something negative today, reply with "Don't drop the bike!" Explain. Then re-frame.

Triangulate the moment you begin speaking

When I took the stage at Sherman High School, I knew the teens would heckle and jeer. Because, when you are "that guy" who is hired to speak to teens about risk avoidance (read: don't have sex, get drunk, or do drugs) and it's the week of prom or spring break...the audience is stacked against you.

And I loved it.

For some reason, I really enjoyed the heckling. Maybe that's because I knew how to manage the energy - or maybe it was because, if I was in their chair I'd do the same.

So what is the key to disarming a hostile or resistant audience, board room, or client group?  Triangulation.

Any time a speaker stands before an audience, there's a direct two-way relationship. By design of the logistics alone, it implies "I'm saying something important, so be quiet and listen," where a seated audience implies "we're listening, so you'd better say something important." And if you have attitude in the audience it may say, "I'll give you only one minute to impress me."


Triangulation instead, directs the audience to a 3rd party or something that both the speaker and audience pay attention to. This can be a story told by the presenter, a video, an object, or anything that positions the audience and speaker as peers.  Shoulder-to-shoulder you look together at the issue.

This triangulation will diffuse the tension. Presenters need to humbly address the topic and allow their wisdom to continue growing the respect from the audience.

An easy way to remember this is how I speak to my daughters versus how I speak to my sons. My girls like my full attention ... face-to-face and fully engaged. That freaks my sons out. So for them, we talked while playing games, fishing, or working in the garage; shoulder-to-shoulder.  It is triangulation. And it cuts the tension so you can communicate better.

This week, take the stage or stand before the room - and find your triangle.

Here's 3 Ways Companies Commit Revecide

I know.  It seems insane that companies would want to kill their revenue (my wordsmith of "revecide").  But they do.

There are three easy strokes companies can - and do - take to kill the revenue from a company with sales professionals.

1. Hire only people who have a "book of business." Because it's too hard to develop quality people...so buying business is the quick fix.
2. Constrain the commission and compensation programs. Because if the sales team brings in large revenue, companies feel uncomfortable paying for that work in relation to other company employees' pay.
3. Don't recognize or reward the sales team publicly. Because others in operations don't get recognition so it seems unfair to award those in sales.

 And the result?  Well, let's follow these 3 strokes with their results.

• "Book of Business" reps leave to sell their book" to another company. Think about it; the "book" only has value if updated and moves from company to company.
• Capped commissions or restricted comp programs will cause you to hire less experienced reps, requiring you to invest in your sales team...but they will leave you for better paying companies once they become top-tier reps.  Yup...you just trained your competitor.
• Sales professionals are wired to be social. It's what makes them different and good! And to not reward or recognize is a stomach-punch. De-motivation will result and their drive is gone.

Want to kill your revenue?  Buy business, constrain your sales force, and treat sales like everyone else. 

6 Steps to Avoid Unwise Leadership Choices

When you looked in the mirror this morning, was there more gray hair? If we have hair at all, we should be grateful. But I wonder if the years and experience it took to get gray hair has the value it deserves.

Since I do have gray hair - and the aches in my body say I've earned each one - here's my thought.  Gray hair represents wisdom...which comes from a sum of a few concepts.  Is there connection amongst these words?

• wisdom
• information
• knowledge
• experience
• understanding
• data

Here's where I landed.

The highest form of knowledge for a human person is wisdom.  To be "wise" is to have combined two basic categories; 

1. knowledge, that has been acquired and learned from the vast collection of data and information, and 
2. understanding, that has been forged from experiences and trials.  

Those two combine to make a person wise.
Which inversely means then, that even a very learned scholar with many degrees could score high in knowledge and information...but not be wise since there is no experience or understanding to temper it.

And the reverse is also true. An experienced person with much "hands on" history can be unwise without current or well-rounded information.

Therefore, Wisdom = Knowledge + Understanding

For wise leadership to forge your organization ahead, finding that balance and diversity then, is critical.


Here are 6 Steps to help you identify a wise team player...

1. A DEGREE  Degrees are good indicators that they not only obtained information, but have the "stick-ability" to finish that process. 
2. SELF-DEVELOPMENT  Look for someone who not only has a degree, but who is a consummate self-developer. They should continually be learning and adding to their knowledge base.
3. INFO FOOD  Ask what they read, watch, or listen to. Information should be a steady staple.
4. DIVERSE WORK HISTORY  Seek diversity in their experiences. Stuck in one channel or industry for too long can cause limitations or an atrophy in experiences.
5. COUNSEL IS SOUGHT  Find where they serve in capacities to offer guidance or counsel. Boards and community groups are good indicators.
6. VARIETY OF LIFE STORIES  Discuss a variety of business and life experiences. See where they've been and enjoy the ride in this conversation. This is my favorite experience with "retired" individuals.

I'm headed back to the mirror in a moment.  When I look at my reflection...I'm going to smile. Each gray hair has a story to tell. And as for those wrinkles and "crows feet?"  Moisturizer. 

(Add to this idea?  RT and let's see what combined wisdom of our peers says.)

The easiest leadership test ever

Leadership is easy to evaluate.  If a leader leads, then all that person needs to do is look over their tail.  Is somebody back there? Then you are a leader. 

But, if you look back and see no one...you were taking a stroll.  Time for some soul searching.

Leaders do not lead from within the center; those are facilitators.

Leaders do not lead from behind; those are cowards.

Leaders have a clear vision that inspires others to follow them into the fascinating unknown.

Stop for just a moment and look behind you. This is the easiest leadership test ever.

The difference between arrogant and confident is...

...well, the difference is your finger.

Not your middle finger, mind you. Although that's a dead give-a-way. But your pointer finger. It's the direction of your intent.

The direction this finger is pointed is the point. When you are focused on a customer, friend, or audience - not at yourself - and communicating with confidence you are not arrogant.  Who doesn't love it when someone makes it about others?

But when you begin focusing on yourself...repulsion enters and rots the facade.  Arrogance emits from anyone whose finger is pointed at themselves. And trust in others erodes.

Take a peek at where your finger is pointed. At others? Good for you.  At yourself? Re-boot and get over yourself (because everyone else already has). And if it's your middle finger doing the talking ... well ... that's another blog.

They love me, they love me, they ---

When the speaker got off the stage, I asked him later about how he conquered his fear of speaking.  He said, "It's simple. Before I take the stage I tell myself - They love me, they love me, they love me...they just don't know it yet!"

Wow.  Arrogant.

But I was wrong. I took that advice with me to 4000 speaking events and to my sales training.  Because it's true.

When you truly believe that someone "loves you," your confidence swells and impacts first impressions.  And within minutes "voila!" they usually do love you.  (Of course, if you love yourself more than they do they'll quit competing with you.)  Healthy confidence holding this up, is what makes it real.

This also applies to your business.  "They love doing business with you...they just don't know it yet."  So step through that door today and let them.  

Let them discover what they never knew they loved.